Drove myself to Cambridge last Saturday, with my three ultra-supportive Andres men in tow. I attended our first group tutorial session for my T160 course on the Open University, which I've previously mentioned in an earlier post.
I didn't realise how nervous I was about going back to "school" again, whether online or not, until I stepped into the shower, mentally rehearsing in a quiet state of panic how I would introduce myself to a bunch of strangers, and found out that I had put facial scrub on my hair instead of conditioner!!! (Yes, you can roll up your eyes just like I did.) Anyway, after I successfully exfoliated my unconditioned hair, I managed to get to the meeting while my boys and their tatay went to the Sedgwick museum in Cambridge.
The tutorial was good, in the sense that it was helpful to be able to meet my tutor and my group mates face to face so that when we go online for regular conferences this next 10 weeks, we have a face and a backstory to match with the name behind the post. Omigosh, most of them have got PhDs and postdocs, unlike me, and if THEY'RE having trouble getting back to work and finding a job offer with a good work-family life balance, what about me???
This reminds me, I've had a major paradigm shift since I wrote the post I linked to earlier, on Looking At The Stars. For one thing, I read the words I'd written about chemical engineering being "bad" and "pollutive" and "man-made" and I felt ashamed of myself for bashing my course so narrow-mindedly. My conscience reminded me of my own reflections years ago: "All things are able to be used for good or for evil. It is the choice of the one wielding the gift, which turns it into a weapon or a tool."
So I began to re-think my options and try to dig deeper into my online outburst about chemical engineering and process industries. What made me say that? Why do I sound a bit bitter? Why am I so quick to turn my back on my first degree? If chemical engineering was the wrong course for me to study at uni, then why did God let me make a five-year mistake without giving me a hint or a clue? Why did He reward me with academic honours and confirm my career choices with blessing upon blessing at that time? Why did He not then re-direct me, as I have seen Him done so often in recent months, in order to keep me from making a mistake in my life and wasting my time on something He didn't wish me to do? Is it possible, be it ever for a tiny bit, that studying chemical engineering was really part of God's plan for me, after all, and He wishes me to use it for His purposes?
Pretty drastic paradigm shift, eh?
I began to think of myself doing research in the atmospheric sciences and climate modelling, and together with my giddy excitement and enthusiasm for it I also realised that for all the science, innovation and hard work I may put into that sort of research, my output will always and forever be purely, wholly, totally, simply, merely, undeniably ADVICE. Any papers or findings I produce will surely be perceived and received as optional, advisory and non-compulsary recommendations. Scientific and factual, yes, if I'm lucky, but mere recommendations nonetheless. Descriptive, predictive and instructive, yes, but lacking any decision-making power, no action taken. It's like being able to diagnose a sickness without being able to prescribe or provide a treatment. I can only imagine how frustrating that might feel.
On the other hand, I realised, Hey, I could go commando on this one. If I could actually get myself back into industry working as a chemical engineer and do R&D, I could be part of the SOLUTION to our environmental problems, especially climate change and global warming, instead of just yapping about it and scaring people into caring about it, too. If I could find a good company that's doing research on sustainable options and ways to remedy our global problems, e.g. carbon-capture storage (CCS) which focuses on capturing and re-injecting carbon dioxide into the earth's crust, which is something that some major oil and gas companies are developing right now, then I could spend my days knowing I actually did something and didn't just observe it or predict it.
Then I did some research on prospects for chemical engineer graduates in the UK, and what I saw was encouraging. They get good pay and there are many industries to choose to specialise in. In fact, chemical engineers are among the best paid among the graduates of all engineering disciplines here in the UK. Hmm, pretty convincing, on top of everything else, right?
So that's hopefully what I'll be shooting for in the coming year/s, to get a job as a chemical engineering doing research into environmental solutions. It all depends on what God has in store for me, so I am still waiting on Him and trusting in Him to lead me in the right direction. I hope the T160 course will help me to move forward in this area, so that God can use me as He has planned since the moment my life began.
And as for looking at the stars, well, I won't need to get a job doing that when I can do it on my own anytime I want.
