Uh-oh. I've run into a glitch in my Cambridge application, and yesterday I was emailing the BGS and my department and my PhD supervisor all the way till the end of office hours trying to iron it out. It seems that even just for my "CPGS only" course (a 1-year stint which serves as a pre-PhD or 1st year PhD), I am expected to give evidence of three years' funding. The way I understood it, since I was supposed to complete the CPGS successfully and THEN at the end of the 1st year be asked to re-apply, re-register for the 2nd year of the PhD, I would only need to furnish proof of funding for the first year. Which is what I did, using my financial undertaking and Award letter from Schlumberger. Now they are asking me to show proof of funding for three years.
The thing is, my Fellowship is awarded by Schlumberger on an annual basis, not as a three-year commitment. Yes, it is eligible for renewal up to a further two years, making it a total of three years altogether, but obviously, the renewal process is not automatic or by default. It is, of course, subject to my performance, how I assess myself and how my supervisor rates me. But it is also a given fact that, since Schlumberger's primary goal is to support PhD and post-doc students, the renewal of their PhD grants is almost expected. Otherwise, why would they support fellows only in the first year and abandon them later on in the middle of their studies, unless they really utterly spectacularly fail at accomplishing what's academically required? It wouldn't make sense, would it? So I am hoping and praying fervently that Cambridge will deem Schlumberger's grant renewal policy as sufficient evidence of available funding for three years. As far as I can tell, I seem to be the first and only Faculty for the Future Fellow in Cambridge, so the BGS isn't too familiar as yet with the way the grant is administered by Schlumberger. In other words, I'm breaking them in. Lucky me.
More to the point, I'd like to share how God has really consoled and assured me throughout this whole thing, from yesterday afternoon, all throughout the long night, and to this very moment. I reflected on the Liturgical readings for today on my favourite Mass readings site, and here's what I found there:
(Selected from James 4: 1-10) "You do not possess because you do not ask.
You ask but do not receive, because you ask wrongly... therefore, it says: God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble... So submit yourselves to God.
Resist the Devil, and he will flee from you.
Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you...
Humble yourselves before the Lord
and he will exalt you."
(Selected from Mk 9: 30-37) "Taking a child, he placed it in their midst,
and putting his arms around it, he said to them,
“Whoever receives one child such as this in my name, receives me;
and whoever receives me,
receives not me but the One who sent me.”
(From Ps 55) "Cast your cares upon the Lord, and He will support you."
I cling to these words of comfort and guidance now, loving Father, as I humble myself before You, knowing that everything comes from You, that all I need to do is ask and ask rightly, and that all I can ever boast about is the fact that I am a child of such an awesome and powerful God. So I cast all my cares upon You, Lord. Teach me to be like a child who trusts completely in her Father.
And by Your grace, I shall trust in You alone.
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