About to Forage

I read a recent BBC article which mentions, among other things, how declining female fertility evolved "so that women in tribes could forage instead of being occupied by childcare." It's an interesting article, raising sentive ethical issues about motherhood and working, but it also stresses that "this (issue) is no longer a problem" in this day and age.

According to the article, "women historically needed to be available to forage for food for the good of the group... Studies suggest women with small babies focussed (sic) on providing food for them... Declining fertility is a natural contraceptive which means women are less likely to have children and therefore be distracted from foraging."

Now, I am not yet menopausal, so this whole fertility debate is not personal, lest you think otherwise! I am not sure where you stand on the issue of IVF, and until I dig deeper into this, I hesitate to share my own thoughts. I need to read what the Church and the Holy Father has said about this, and I need to look at the ethics of the science involved first. But I'm not here to write about IVF.

I'm here to talk about foraging.

It's interesting to hear it said that childcare "distracts" mothers from foraging. I would have thought that mothering is the mission of mothers, not a mere distraction from working to bring food on the table. But perhaps that is the culture of this continent of rich countries where I live now. I can now declare it with certainty: I, a Filipina mother, am admittedly shellshocked by the traditional values of the West.

But no matter. I know who I am and what I believe in, and I won't budge from how I've been taught and raised. I know what's important to me and my family, and I know that raising my children is not a mere "distraction" from having a career.

Having said that, let me share with you one startling conclusion I have arrived at, through prayer and reflection: God wants me to help O to forage now. He reminded me of my marriage vows, in which I promised to help my partner to provide for our family, and He said to me, gently and without intending to shake the ground on which I stood, "You have been a loving mother to your children. Now it's time to love your husband, too. He needs and deserves your help. I will take care of everything. This is how I plan to bless you."

So here I am now, about to apply for two local jobs, one part-time, one job-share. I will choose only one, ultimately, of course. There was, at first, the inevitable guilt about "abandoning" my children to the care of strangers, no matter how well-qualified they are. But a dear friend here reminded me, with words to this effect: "You are not abandoning them. You are doing this for their own good, especially E, who is two now. You can't give him all that he needs now. It will be good for him emotionally to grow more independent from you, socially to interact more with his peers and other grown-ups outside your family, and intellectually to be stimulated in an outside learning environment. Don't feel guilty."

It's hard to fight guilt when you claim that it's not there, so I think it was good that I exposed my feelings early on. But as I get nearer and nearer to the possibility of foraging itself, the guilt slowly dissipates and is replaced by a growing peace and conviction that this is the right path for me.

It's like driving on the inner lane of a roundabout for more than four years, never needing to stop or change lanes or turn, and suddenly, God taps me on the shoulder and whispers, "Just take the next turn on the left, please."

"What?! There? The nearest one?" I ask.

"Yes," He replies calmly.

"Wait, wait, I'm still on roundabout mode... Can't we go round one more time and then make the turn?"

"You can move into the correct lane now, if you follow my instructions. Keep your eyes on that bollard over there on that island, and you will be in the right position to leave the roundabout."

I follow and obey, and instead of asking Him where we are going, as I dearly would love to do, I just wait and listen attentively to His next instructions.

Am about to leave the roundabout soon. About to forage in the wild world to help my husband bring food to the table.

But I am still a wife and mother, and still, more importantly, a child of God.

As the eyes of a servant looks at the hands of her master... I watch, and wait.