My List

Had an interesting online chat the other day with a very dear friend-- hmmm, let's call her Maria. Slightly edited, it went something like this:

Maria: hi! am still dazed from a meeting i had this morning. learned that i will be out of town for most of the next 4 weeks to give training in sorsogon and in subic...hehehe...i'm getting old... there is still this part of me refusing to accept the fact that at my age i have these responsibilities hehehe

Me: what do you mean, at your age? that you are too old for it, or too young?

Maria: at my "old" age i have greater responsibilities and therefore more work

Me: that's funny, i always think of myself as 28 hehe... you're not "old", maria! you are young! at your young age, you are conducting training on social transformation on a national scale... who else can say that? you are in your thirties, sheesh! you're a loooooong way from being a venerable, ripe old age, eligible for semi-retirement responsibilities, hehehe

Maria: after my parents died i felt old... i felt i would soon follow....and felt tired of life so i felt death would come soon and therefore i should do what i "have to do"

Me: i seem to remember you saying that... but maybe it's because you felt you had no one to take care of you, the buck stops with you, no one to be accountable to?

Maria: right and no one accountable for me

Me: hay, maria... i could sit here and say "that's not true" but it won't mean anything, and it won't console you at all... so i will just sit here and say... (made loads of funny emoticon faces here)... rejoice in your youth!

Maria: yeah...i don't need consolation...it was a real thing for me but it's just part of the grieving process for me...am ok... yes, am slowly realizing i am still YOUNG!!!!

Me: better hurry up, by the time you finish realising that fact, you may really be old na, bwahahaha!

Maria: hahaha!

Me: know what? i feel young... sometimes i'm up, sometimes down, but i always feel young

Maria: that's a very good feeeling!

Me: i feel i have my whole life ahead of me, that i "ain't seen nuthin' yet" as tito rogel used to say... so many things i still want to do... i have a looong list

Maria: maybe i should make one

Me: i want to go back to my studies, i want to work in climate research and do atmospheric stuff, i want to travel, i've lived in the UK for a year but i've never brought my family to EUROPE, shame on me! i want to bring the kids to Disneyland, whether paris or california... i want to explore Africa... i want to go on a cruise... i want to know more about ecumenism... i want to know about other faiths, other cultures, other beliefs... i want to know so many more people...i want to write books, write musicals, sing again, play in a band, learn French and German and Spanish, have another baby...God knows what else! I feel my lifetime won't be enough! hehehe

Maria: i want to go out of the country again! I want to go to Batanes and Vigan...i want to get married soon so i can have babies... hehehe...i want to have a boyfriend soon first...hehehe

Me: yeah! right on! our dreams keep us young and our experiences keep us grounded, which is a good balance

Maria: yes!!!! sige i will make my own list


We all have so much to live for. No matter how much we've done in life, or with our lives, there's always something more that awaits us, something more we have to discover or experience.

Make your own list, won't you?